I won't lie, this week was challenging. The word "stress" has taken on a whole new meaning. In college, stress to me was having a to-do list that was three pages long and having a bunch of meetings to go to. Now, stress has become a lifestyle. I realized that I don't get more than an hour to myself each day, and most of that time is filled with lesson planning or résumé writing. I have started getting application materials together because I found a job that I would like to apply for. This has been stressful as well, as I have never really "marketed myself" before. I have been exhausted, and I'm grateful for today so that I can recharge my batteries.
I began teaching half-rehearsals today, which equated to 45-50 minutes per class period, 2 class periods per day. I also teach a Music Appreciation class (1 regular education section, 1 special education section) daily, but I have been team-teaching most classes. I realized that I do not have stamina built up yet! I would get done with the two morning rehearsals and be totally exhausted. Erica laughed and encouraged me, saying it will get easier over time. I have been pretty successful at achieving the goals I want to accomplish for each day's rehearsal, but I have had some attitude problems in Women's choir. They talk constantly and challenge my authority during rehearsal, and I have realized that I don't know how to put my foot down but not burn bridges with some girls. I think it might just have to be one of those things you get over. As much as I'd want everyone to love me, it just doesn't work that way. Apparently the girls call me "Taylor Swift" behind my back, which if you know me, is a huge insult. I really don't know what they think I have in common with her or where this reference came from, but hopefully they don't mean it as badly as I'm taking it! I did an activity with them where I let them choose the dynamic contrast in one of their pieces because there were no dynamic indications by the publisher. I thought it would be a fun way to get them involved in the music making decisions, but apparently this was an invitation for them to attack. This quickly spiraled into two girls being very short with each other (on the verge of a fight) and the entire choir became restless. I told them at least 3 times, "Don't ruffle your feathers! We're just trying this! These dynamics aren't set in stone!" but nothing would soothe them. I was so thrown by their attitude, but in the next piece, they were really successful and I could tell they became secure in themselves as an ensemble again. I asked Erica what I could have done differently, and she said it was just an attitude issue, not a lesson planning or implementation issue. Looks like next week I'll have to lay down the law...
Men's choir, on the other hand, has grown to become one of my favorite ensembles. They are chatty too, but it never feels disrespectful like in Women's choir. I can tell they really like me, and some girls told me they heard some guys talking about how much they were enjoying choir. This really lifted my spirits after the Women's choir fiasco, especially since they were my biggest insecurity heading into my placement. Treble and Concert choirs went well this week too, but they are always fun to work with because they perform at such a high level. Concert choir is so responsive to feedback that it really keeps me on my toes and stretches me in polishing critiques.
I was so happy this week with the progress I made with one student in my special ed section of Music Appreciation. He is a student that is known for being violent, challenging authority, having little to no respect for female teachers, and a lot of issues at home. We got into a tiff the first day of class as he challenged me, and since then he wouldn't respond to me at all. This week, he started semi-participating in discussion by making non-challenging eye contact with me, responding when I say hello or goodbye, and singing lyrics to a song we played under his breath. He still won't verbally participate in discussion, but he is sleeping a lot less in class and turning in assignments. He also doesn't come to me for questions, but will only speak to my male teacher, even if I am sitting right next to him. I don't even care. I am elated every time he is paying attention and semi-participating that I don't worry about what he is lacking. I feel very special and respected by him, because on the scale in his mind, he is being very respectful to me, and that's a great start considering I've only been around for a month. This situation encouraged me every day, and it makes me look forward to further interactions with him.
I did a TON of grading this week as well as rehearsing. This part was fun, though, because Erica makes them keep logs of rehearsal. The descriptions of what students are learning are so fun to read. Some students are just funny, while others seriously analyze their vocal growth. It is so cool to see their self-assessment. I also get to find out what they really think of me (in some cases I don't think they thought I would be the one reading it...). I know I'll regret saying this a few years down the road, but I really enjoy grading! I also have continued to cultivate relationships with students, and I feel very bonded to a few of them. There was a talent show yesterday, and a few students of ours performed in it, and I nearly teared up when seeing them on stage. I was just so proud! I already know I will remember these kids the rest of my career.
Next week is another week of half rehearsals, and I'm being observed for the first time by my university supervisor on Tuesday. I'm a little nervous, but I have a pretty good lesson planned for that day. Prayer requests: strength to get through the stressful parts, and that this job lead would result in an interview. Thanks for your continued encouragement and support!
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